SPARKS FLEW

I must become good through my own efforts, without examples and without good advice. Then later on, i shall be all the stronger. Who, besides me will ever read those letters? From whom but myself shall i get comfort? As i need comforting often, I frequently feel weak and dissatisfied with myself because my shortcomings are too great. I know this and every day i try to improve my self again and again. I am not a baby or a spoiled darling anymore to be laughed at. i have my own views, plans and ideas, though i cant put them into words yet. oh. so many things bubble up inside me as i lie in bed, having to put up with people i am fed up with, who always misinterpret my intentions.
That is where i start and finish.

It was mighty difficult to be on such model behavior with people you can't bear, especially when you don't mean a word of it. But I do really see that i get better by shamming a bit, instead of my old habit of telling everyone exactly what i think
(although no one ever asked my opinion or attached the slightest importance to it.)

I often lose my cue and simply can't swallow my rage at some injustice, don't you think that sometimes i have cause for complaints? Its a good thing i am not a grouser, because then i might get sour and bad-tempered. I am really curious to know what will come of it all, but i don't think the plan will come off.

i PROMISE i will find my own way through it all, and swallow my tears.
I only wish i could see the results occasionally or even receive an encouragement from the people who loves me.

Don't condemn me, remember rather that sometimes i too can reach the bursting point.

LAY IT ALL DOWN

Got a fist of pure emotion.
Got a head of shattered dreams.